As part of my egg preservation process I have had to take testosterone.  (NOTE: The prescribed drugs for each woman going through the process are different.) 

The first thing the nurse tells me is one of the potential side effects of testosterone is an increased libido.  Okay.  This made sense to me.  I actually thought I just may understand men a little more.  How great! 

The second thing the nurse told me is that I should NOT get pregnant while on testosterone as it is dangerous for a fetus.  Fortunately I am not actively trying to get pregnant.  I am preserving my eggs for the possibility of children down the road. 

How about all the women going through this process who are actively trying to get pregnant?  I found it quite ironic that they would be going through all this effort to get pregnant yet one of the steps in the process steers them away from what their heart desires.

Life is a paradox.  It’s often our greatest strengths that are our biggest opportunities.  Mine was perfectionism.  I spent my entire life being “perfect” and constantly being rewarded for it.  I got recognition for being the top of my class, the captain of my sports teams, for being so fit, and, and, and…

What people didn’t see was how much pain I had inside striving for perfection.  I thought perfection was something I had to achieve to be loveable.  The pain ran so deep that my parents actually put me on suicide watch when I got my first B in high school. 

It was not my parents nor society that put this pressure to be perfect on me.  It was me.  I created some story in my head that if I was perfect I was loveable.  This is simply not true and needed to be shucked.  The truth to plant and culture is I am perfect just the way I am and completely loveable, warts and all.  We are ALL perfect and loveable just the way we are.  

What are your strengths?  What is on the other side of those strengths?  How about the people you interact with whether it be your children or your colleagues?  How might you be able to look at their behavior differently?

I encourage you to consider the possibility that behind every strength you see in this world there is an opportunity.  The opportunity is to show yourself or someone else in your life more compassion and love. 

On a side note, the other irony with the testosterone is that I am also supposed to refrain from working out during the last couple weeks of the egg preservation process.  As an avid cyclist this bums me out because people pay big bucks to pump themselves with testosterone to ride better! 

The good news though is I never did grow a beard, at least more than I already have.

Jessica Zemple

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